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Recently, I’ve attended a talk about the psycho-emotional needs of a child. Emotional learning begins at a very young age, as children discover a wide range of emotions, and evolves as they grow. Let me share below a useful table depicting their behavior and needs based on their age period.
Age Period | Regulation/Coping | Expressive Behavior | Relationship Building |
Infancy: 0 – 12 mos. | Self-soothing and learning to modulate reactivity. Regulation of attention in service of coordinated action. Reliance on caregivers for supportive “scaffolding” during stressful circumstances. | Behavior synchrony with others in some expressive channels. Increasing discrimination of others’ expressions. Increasing expressive responsiveness to stimuli under contingent control. Increasing coordination of expressive behaviors with emotion-eliciting circumstances. | Social games and turn-taking (e.g., “peek-a-boo”). Social referencing. Socially instrumental signal use (e.g., “fake” crying to get attention). |
Toddlerhood: 12 mos.-2½ years | Emergence of self-awareness and consciousness of own emotional response. Irritability due to constraints and limits imposed on expanding autonomy and exploration needs. | Self-evaluation and self-consciousness evident in expressive behavior accompanying shame, pride, coyness. Increasing verbal comprehension and production of words for expressive behavior and affective states. | Anticipation of different feelings toward different people. Increasing discrimination of others’ emotions and their meaningfulness. Early forms of empathy and prosocial action. |
Preschool: 2-5 years | Symbolic access facilitates emotion regulation, but symbols can also provoke distress. Communication with others extends child’s evaluation of and awareness of own feelings and of emotion-eliciting events. | Adoption of pretend expressive behavior in play and teasing. Pragmatic awareness that “false” facial expressions can mislead another about one’s feelings. | Communication with others elaborates child’s understanding of social transactions and expectations for comportment. Sympathetic and prosocial behavior toward peers. Increasing insight into others’ emotions. |
Early Elementary School: 5-7 years | Self-conscious emotions (e.g., embarrassment) are targeted for regulation. Seeking support from caregivers still prominent coping strategy, but increasing reliance on situational problem-solving evident. | Adoption of “cool emotional front” with peers. | Increasing coordination of social skills with one’s own and others’ emotions. Early understanding of consensually agreed upon emotion “scripts.” |
Middle Childhood: 7-10 years | Problem-solving preferred coping strategy if control is at least moderate. Distancing strategies used if control is appraised as minimal. | Appreciation of norms for expressive behavior, whether genuine or dissembled. Use of expressive behavior to modulate relationship dynamics (e.g., smiling while reproaching a friend). | Awareness of multiple emotions toward the same person. Use of multiple time frames and unique personal information about another as aids in the development of close friendships. |
Preadolescence: 10-13 years | Increasing accuracy in appraisal of realistic control in stressful circumstances. Capable of generating multiple solutions and differentiated strategies for dealing with stress. | Distinction made between genuine emotional expression with close friends and managed displays with others. | Increasing social sensitivity and awareness of emotion “scripts” in conjunction with social roles. |
Adolescence: 13+ years | Awareness of one’s own emotion cycles (e.g., guilt about feeling angry) facilitates insightful coping. Increasing integration of moral character and personal philosophy in dealing with stress and subsequent decisions. | Skillful adoption of self-presentation strategies for impression management. | Awareness of mutual and reciprocal communication of emotions as affecting quality of relationship. |
Note. From Saarni (2000, pp. 74-75). Copyright 2000 by Jossey-Bass.
The talk got me thinking about whether the lessons we developed for Little Cookhouse can help children grow emotionally and socially. By having children of the same age period work together, they can learn to share and learn how to take turns, and learn to express their emotions and requests politely and in an acceptable way. This interactions helps kids to learn skills on reading interpersonal cues, and to execute appropriate behavior in interpersonal situations!
87 Dawson Road Singapore 141087
Sat-Sun (By Appointment only)